Those Phrases from My Dad Which Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need support. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."