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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?